April Fools’ Day isn’t for the timid

           One of our most important days is coming up soon, and I think the public should know more about its history and some of its greatest moments. Armed with this knowledge, you might wonder why this auspicious day isn’t a legal holiday, as I do.

           No one knows the origins of April Fools’ Day, but according to Wikipedia, “the earliest recorded association between 1 April and foolishness can be found in Chaucer’s The Canterbury Tales (1392).” What I read further on this made no sense to me, but who am I to argue with Wikipedia? If you’re curious enough, you can look it up yourself. I only have so much space here.

           The April Fools’ Prank Store website gives a more plausible explanation for its origin, but it’s possible the explanation itself is an April Fools’ joke. That’s the thing about April Fools’ Day — you never know. But Wikipedia does say that it’s been popular since the 19th century, and this is borne out by a number of well-documented pranks.

           For instance, as Mary Todd Lincoln wrote in her diary the next day, on the evening of March 28, 1861, “Mr. Lincoln put a whoopee cushion on my seat at dinner last night. He was trying out a prank for April Fools’ Day, he told me afterward. What a scamp.” It was the new president’s first state dinner, and thanks to the worsening situation at Fort Sumter, the mood was somber until Mrs. Lincoln sat down.

           While Yankees great Babe Ruth was known to be a cut-up, it was the quiet and reserved Lou Gehrig who tried to play a trick on the Babe during spring training in 1927. On April 1st, as the mighty Yankees prepared for a spring exhibition game against the St. Louis Cardinals in Nashville a few days later, the Iron Man found a short piece of stout manila rope, rested it in a hotdog bun and topped it with mustard, and gave it to the Bambino, whose fondness for hotdogs was legendary. But the joke fizzled when Babe wolfed down the faux dog and said, “That was great, Lou. Get me another one — with sauerkraut this time.

           This may come as a surprise to most Americans, but Bill Murray did not star in the movie called Groundhog Day, it was his twin Julius. The brothers frequently pretended to be each other, and had done so since early childhood. Meant to be a prank, they’d originally intended to call the movie April Fool’s Day and had prepared a script to match, but when they learned that a movie by that name had been released in 1986 they scrapped the idea and went with Groundhog Day at the last minute. However, the original joke was ruined so they never brought it up.

           Of course, I’m much too mature to play Aprils’ Fool jokes on anyone.

Our annual madness

           Here we are again, on the verge of our annual madness. Okay, so it’s a few days away, but in my world that qualifies as a verge — and there’s still time to end it.

           I’m talking about Daylight Savings Time, or setting the clocks ahead. And what do we do in the fall? Set them back. Does that make any sense at all? Sure, someone might say, “Well it would take awhile to implement and coordinate and blah-blah-blah.” Really? What’s so hard about not doing something?

           So maybe we need to get a hue and cry going. No one I know likes setting the clocks an hour ahead each March. The groans can be heard around the world. It’s an awful long wait to get that hour back.

           I don’t understand why the movement to end this clock-changing silliness doesn’t get any traction. Everybody hates it. I wrote my congressman last year — Patrick something-or-other — and suggested he introduce a bill to get DST repealed. It’s a win-win, I told him. Need a compromise? Then how about setting the clock ahead a half hour and LEAVING IT THERE FOREVER. I could live with that. He’d be a hero, I assured him. We might even remember his name. Did I hear back? Nooo. Was such legislation introduced? Nooo. There are even petitions out there, and I’ve signed them all — to no avail.

           So maybe we need to take matters into our own hands. Maybe everyone should keep their clocks and watches where they are right now and continue operating on Standard Time. Let’s call it a protest. Let’s persuade Microsoft to quit updating our computers for the time change. Let’s tune into our favorite TV shows at the time we’re used to, and complain when there’s something else on. Let’s get a trend going in social media — tweet #EndDST, write Facebook posts and tell everyone to share them, things like that. Let’s show up an hour late for work and dare them to fire us. If we stick together, we can’t lose.

           Okay, I’m delirious, but understand this — my delirium is a medical condition caused by the anticipation of the onset of DST, which results in a lot of unhealthy anxiety and aggravation, and not a few stupid ideas. It makes me nuts. I hate it, hate it, hate it, and I’m not alone. It’s bad for the heart and bad for the digestive system. It also causes hives in some people. Me, I get Post Daylight Savings Time Syndrome — PDSTS, as it is known in psychiatric circles. It is NOT a good idea to disrupt my circadian rhythm. I might explode and ruin a perfectly good chunk of the known universe. For Pete’s sake, let’s end this madness. Retweet if you agree (wait — this isn’t Twitter).