Wednesday, June 10, 2015

School’s out

           When I was a kid, the last day of school more or less coincided with the first day of summer, which at the time made a lot of sense. I’m sure this was why the hiatus in the school year was called “summer vacation.” This isn’t the case here. I suppose it’s called “summer vacation,” but almost a month of it takes place in spring, and I’ve been wondering why for 39 years.
           Summer was great because not only would there be no homework and tests, there would be nothing but play day after day after day — interrupted only by a couple of weeks in the country when Pop had his annual vacation, and maybe the occasional Saturday at the beach or in one of the state parks for a picnic.
           For play we had the unlimited use of two places: the street, and any vacant lot we could reach on foot or by bike. The street was obvious, because there it was, right outside our houses, and since it was a residential street to nowhere there wasn’t much traffic. The street was for playing a variety of games with balls, or having battles between two opposing forces of knights in cardboard armor .
           But vacant lots were something else. I cannot overstate the importance of vacant lots to a kid growing up in early 1950s’ Long Island. In the suburbs, which were rapidly filling up with homes and children following the war, there were still plenty of vacant lots, and they were more suited for many kids’ games than their yards, which Mom and Dad, mostly refugees from the cities, were grooming like little botanical gardens. Vacant lots were not well groomed. They were untamed, a touch of the wilderness in the otherwise civilized suburbs. And in those days they were almost never littered.
           The vacant lot was easily identified because it didn’t contain a house, wasn’t fenced, had no apparent owner (although it really did), and was largely overgrown with scrub, weeds, and trees. It just sat there between lots filled with houses, driveways, lawns, patios, picnic tables, and flower beds, waiting to be cleared and excavated for the basement of a new house. Remove all the houses, pavement, and patio furniture from the suburbs, and Long Island would be one big vacant lot.
           I always came home from the vacant lot dirty, and when I took a bath the water would turn brown. But it did say in “The Boys Guide to Growing Up” that getting dirty was not only normal but essential for proper development. I wonder if kids still get dirty today. Anyone?

           School didn’t resume until the Wednesday after Labor Day, which also made sense because in the adult world Labor Day has always been the unofficial end of summer. Once again this isn’t the case here, and I’ve been wondering why for 39 years as well.

I can’t take Yahoo! seriously

           I’m old enough to remember when the word “Yahoo!” occasionally appeared in a comic strip speech balloon. Sometime during the 1990s I began associating it with a free email provider (although at the time I didn’t get what Yahoo! could possibly have to do with email), and for years after that I never thought of it as much more. But today Yahoo! Inc. is an American multinational Internet corporation — according to Wikipedia anyway. Also according to Wikipedia, Yahoo is actually an acronym, which comes as a surprise because I never thought Yahoo was an acronym. I thought it was just Yahoo, you know? At some point, apparently, Yahoo’s founders, Jerry Yang and David Filo, thought the original name, “Jerry’s Guide to the World Wide Web,” wasn’t catchy enough. Of course they were wouldn’t — it was lame, and JGWWW would put a hyperactive child in a coma. So they sequestered themselves in trailer for a brainstorming session, and after finishing off about twelve bags of Cheetos and a case of Cheerwine (I’m guessing here — it could have been Fritos and Dr. Pepper) came up with Yahoo — which as everyone knows stands for “Yet Another Hierarchical Officious Oracle.” I’m not kidding. That is what Yahoo stands for. If the world could roll its eyes, it would.
           Today Yahoo! the American multinational Internet corporation, wants to be taken seriously as a source of news and entertainment. Since it sorta became my co-ISP, or Internet Service Provider (pronounced ISP) by merging with AT&T, which had previously merged with BellSouth (in a process called “putting Ma Bell back together again,” but that’s another story), my home page is cluttered with Yahoo this and Yahoo that. There are useless videos all over the place — features about celebrities, cars, recipes — and the ads! All this does nothing but hog my computer’s precious resources.
           In Oct. 2013, Yahoo scored a coup when it hired long-time NY Times tech columnist David Pogue, and not long after that it landed celebrity journalist Katie Couric as (wait for it) “global anchor.” I’m happy for Katie that she landed what must be a plum gig, but I hope she can keep from giggling whenever she stands up at a press conference and says, “Katie Couric, Yahoo News.”
           What I wonder is, do any of them — Katie, David, Jerry, David — even know what Yahoo really means? Well according to every dictionary I consulted, it’s a “rude, noisy, or brutish person — synonymous with redneck, boor, lout, oaf.” Ye-haw. Makes it hard to take anything under the nameplate “Yahoo! News” seriously.