I heart Valentine’s Day

           I’ve always been amazed at how ready people are to love things. I love pizza, I love the movies. They even express their love on bumper stickers. Seems like every other car you wind up behind, someone is announcing “I heart” something or other on their bumper, the heart being a cutesy symbol for you-know-what. Love is such a precious and unique emotion that it somehow doesn’t seem right to express love for schnauzers or Ben & Jerry’s ice cream with the same fervor as for a soulmate. In my humble opinion, there are no degrees of love any more than there are degrees of being pregnant.

           Love isn’t the only expression of affection you’ll see on a bumper. “Have you hugged” something today is popular. The first one like that I ever saw said, “Have you hugged a lawyer today?” Now I happened to know that the woman whose van sported that bumper sticker was married to a lawyer, and so I got why she hugged a lawyer. But I wonder how she would have felt if every woman who saw that sticker rushed up and hugged her husband.

           And lawyers aren’t the only ones people hug. People will ask motorists if they’ve hugged their kids today, even though not everyone has kids. Then there’s one asking if you’ve hugged a farmer. Now that’s a sentiment I can support, but if you live in Manhattan you’d have to drive a good distance before you can deliver that hug. Not that farmers from Vermont never visit Manhattan, but how would you find them? That would be like trying to find a needle in a farmer’s haystack. However, if you live in Brooklyn and a bumper sticker asks if you’ve hugged a tree today, you’re in luck because trees actually do grow there. Prospect Park is full of them.

           Dogs are not only loved — you can get a bumper sticker hearting almost every breed known to man — they are hugged. But one bumper sticker I saw asks “Have you hugged your horse today?” Who has a horse? Bumper stickers ask if you’ve hugged an inanimate object — your fiddle, for instance (although I don’t recommend it if it’s a Stradivarius, for obvious reasons). One I saw asked, “Have you hugged a cactus today?” A definite “no” there.

           As Valentine’s Day approaches, I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever seen a bumper sticker that said “I heart my wife” or husband or sweetheart, or mother, although I have seen bumper stickers that said “I heart my cat,” or “I heart tacos.” If someone I cared deeply about had publicly expressed love for fast food but not for me, I’d be a little hurt. When you heart someone, you should take every opportunity to let them — and the world — know it.